Breaking News: Queen Elizabeth II Thought to Have Freed Lord Westover From Chinese Prison!

The Vast Estate (obviously) -- In what can only be called the greatest escape in history, (or at least a really amazing one) Lord Westover [and his manservant] was freed by his Chinese captors in a
pre-dawn raid near Shanghai.

There is very little knowledge of the escape and how it was executed but sources close to the Vast Estate say a "mature" woman lead the raid with said "woman" taking out several dozen guards with her semi-automatic M2-A1 riffle.

"Let's just say that whomever she was, she knew how to use a weapon," said an unidentified British MI5 employee. "Apparently she took out several of the guards even before she successfully parachuted into the compound."

Some have speculated that it was none other than Queen Elizabeth II herself, but Buckingham Palace vehemently denies this, even though the palace had no explanation of the Queen's whereabouts over the weekend [whatever a "weekend"is].

Queen Elizabeth II with
Lord Westover in less exciting
times, obviously.

There is little doubt about the whereabouts of His Lordship, though, who is now recuperating on his Vast Estate.

However, sources close to His Grace say the nobleman is still shouting out orders like "some sort of Indo-Chinese potentate" but is showing progress.





However, a recent photo secretly taken and leaked to FNN shows Lord Westover, still in imperial Chinese garb, and "really getting into it," according sources.

His Grace, Lord Westover, apparently still
thinks he's a Chinese emperor

URGENT BREAKING NEWS: Lord Westover Kidnapped by Chinese Nationals

Group seeking to steal technology to His Grace’s Nobility Oath 

(Manservant to His Grace, captured as well)

The Vast Estate, London (obviously) – In what can only be described as a Patricia Hearst type abduction carried out by “soldiers” of the infamous Chinese Liberation Army (CLA), Lord Westover, who has been missing since attending Chinese New Year’s celebrations in Sydney, Australia has appeared in a series of strange pictures and videos just released by the CLA.

In the bizarre videos and pictures, His Lordship appears to be dressed in high court imperial Chinese garb and apparently thinks he’s now the “Son of Heaven.” He [and Manservant] appears to be in some secure compound that resembles the gardens of the Forbidden City in Peking [Beijing].

Lord Westover and Manservant shortly after being
kidnapped by Chinese Nationals.
(Photo courtesy of their captors, obviously)

The former American colonies [the US government] and subjects of Her Majesty’s Government [the British government] psychologists consider this a troubling sign of His Lordship [and Manservant!] succumbing to brain washing much like Hearst did when she appeared with a semiautomatic weapon in a bank heist with her captors in the 1970s.

“We certainly hope His Lordship [and Manservant!!!] hasn’t broken under the relentless pressure used by groups like the CLA,” A State Department spokesperson said at a recent news conference.

According to Her Majesty’s Government subjects [again, British government officials] the CLA, which is believed to be a covert arm of the Chinese government, is seeking access to the secrets behind His Lordship’s Nobility Oath, which the Chinese think will make any person a more "fabulous," "harmonious" and noble person.

One of CLA’s most well-known tactics, often used on Western businessmen, is to make them watch the film The Last Emperor continuously for weeks-on-end. They then begin to think they are Henry Pu Yi, China’s last sitting emperor. The harsh mind altering technique was developed at the Chinese super-secret military facility known only as Un Yu.

In this induced hallucinatory state, referred to my psychologists as Pui Yi Syndrome (or PYS Un Yu) the victims quickly begins to turn over all their industrial secrets, for which they have access, to Chinese officials in a bid to remain in a fantastical Forbidden City, much like the real Henry Pu Yi did in his own life.

His Grace, Lord Westover, clearly in the
throes of PYS Un Yu Syndrome.
(Photo courtesy of Manservant...wait. What?)

“WE have attempted to communicate with leaders in both the Chinese government and the CLA that the Nobility Oath has no secrets and is free for all to take and to live by its simple principles, as Lord Westover has clearly stated,” A source from Buckingham Palace, with a strikingly similar voice to Queen Elizabeth II, was reported as saying.

However, "The Palace" has vehemently denied it was Her Majesty the Queen. “She doesn’t even know who or what a ‘Lord Westover’ is,” One official was quoted as saying.

The Chinese government has refused to comment. However, a source close to the CLA said that anything that can change a person from being a complete loser trog to being a Noble person, animated to do good in the world, and with such efficacy, must have a very technical and complicated system behind to make it so effectual. (Obviously.)

WARNING: This video contains highly disturbing footage of His Lordship and Manservant... (too.)

“They [the Chinese government and the CLA] are seriously missing the point,” Her Grace, the mysterious Lady K said whilst stepping away from an elegant soirées to comment on the crisis. 

“One cannot possibly expect ever to be truly Noble by stealing what does not belong to one.” When asked about her concern for His Lordship's safety [and Manserv...we give up], Her Ladyship smiled and said, “He must be having a jolly good time! Son of Heaven. Indeed!”

Her Ladyship electing to take-in

the fragrance of a rose before 

commenting to the world press.    

The Vast Estate will be following this story closely (obviously), so please stay tuned. 

His Lordship's spokesperson Count Dracula and the Earl of Fulton contributed to this story.

Lord Westover Declares Noble Boycott of Winter Olympics in Russia

His Grace declares Russian laws targeting openly Gays citizens and Gay tourists as unacceptable, obviously 

His Grace will also soon declare Vladimir Putin the Most Ignoble Person--ever

The Vast Estate (obviously) – In a move that is sure to rally Nobles across the world, His Grace, Lord Westover, has officially declared a “Noble” boycott of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russian and is asking all Noble persons to boycott Russian products and to refrain from traveling to the country.

Ambushed by reporters from RT (A Russian "news" network) 

His Grace quickly reaches into his pocket and hands them a 

shiny coin, easily distracting them. (Photo Credit: The AP)

“Before the Russian Revolution, the mysterious Siberian monk Rasputin once prophesied that all Nobles would be swept from Russian lands. With the recent anti-Gay laws passed in Russia this prophesy has come true,” said a visibly agitated Lord Westover as he read aloud his edict from the balcony of The Vast Estate. “This leaves us Nobles with no other option but to officially declare the Russian government the world’s first Kingdom of the Trogs.”

His Lordship added that henceforth Russia should be shunned by all civilized persons until they make a drastic course correction. Part of this shunning was later described in His Grace’s four hour long edict and including a sweeping boycott of Noble products like Faberge Eggs and other imperial era objects d’ art.

      In a vain attempt to stop Lord Westover from declaring 

him the most "Ignoble Person--Ever" Vladimir Putin 

      uses subliminal messaging to lure Their Graces into his clutches

His Grace's often harsh critique of Russia in the speech also included detailed histories as to why Russia’s cultural connection to the Byzantine and Mongol empires “explains” the nation’s oft appearance as being the “mentally disturbed stepchild of the West.”


After what was called by much of the media as a “real *&%$ long press conference” only two reporters from RT, a Russian television "news" network, remained and attempted to accost His Grace, who tactfully offered them caviar and champagne at which point they acquiesced and told His Lordship just how embarrassed they were to be Russian.

Lord Westover agreed.

According to Vast Estate sources, taking this rather drastic action by His Grace did not come easily as his mentor, or “Countess Godmother,” the reputed revelator of his true Noble Being was, herself, a Russian countess.

“She would be immeasurably disappointed with the current Russian government,” Lord Westover was heard to say in a candid moment with Her Grace, The Mysterious Lady K.

“Obviously,” Her Ladyship was said to have responded

Ask A Lord - Forget Where's Waldo - Where's The Mysterious Lady K?

Yo, Your Lordliness – What’s up with the mysterious Lady K, bro?! She’s been out of sight for way too long!!! You keep reposting old pics of her.  She been incarcerated or what?! Or did you fire her or somethin’?

A Concerned WorshipHER of H.H. (Her Hotness! Bro!) Lady K.

Dear Concerned WorshipHER – Her Grace, The Mysterious Lady K, has indeed been “out of sight” for quite some time and I know not where she is (obviously). That is to say, she could be hiding out in Buckingham Palace, Versailles, the moon—your guess is as good as mine.

The "last" known picture of The Mysterious Lady K
taken whilst on the set of the reality show pilot for American Monarch

Her Ladyship’s acolytes are well aware of her delightful capriciousness and revel in her lack of predictability. And, cruelly, some critics have gone so far as to refer to Her Grace as “The Lindsey Lohan of Nobles.”

I, for one, do not cast judgment upon any fellow Noble, even if they fall off the Noble path repeatedly (this is not an indirect suggestion of Lady K’s life) and leave the banner of Nobility twisting in the proverbial wind.

For what ultimately matters is if one pulls herself out of the mire of Trog iniquity and begins again to carry the standard of nobility aloft on her journey through this oft perplexing and curious world dominated by so many Troglodytes (again, this is not an indirect reference to Lady K).

So, when in her own time, Her Ladyship returns to The Vast Estate, she shall be welcomed with opened Faberge eggs! Until that time, carry on mysterious and Noble Lady K--carry on!

LW

Ask A Lord - To Be the King of What?

My Dearest Lord , I write to you with great distress. It seems that a rather brutish gaggle of “Hollywood” Trogs has stolen the very unique and original concept for a realty show a Noble companion and I have labored to create for several years.

Our reality show (which shall go unnamed*) was to bring to the unwashed and pitiful masses of America the concepts of what being Noble is—an ideal to be sought after and (hopefully) achieved.

Instead, a horrific bastardization has appeared from some of the very “entertainment” industry executives with whom we attempted to reach! This heinous, demented and illegitimate (in my humble opinion) “show” is puerilely entitled: King of the Nerds.  (I know, such a ghastly title—can you believe such impertinent pretense?)

What is the proper response to these disdainful liars and thieves?

With All Sincerity, A Concerned Lady

Dear Concerned Lady – There is immense wisdom in the old adage “He that is slow to wrath certainly is not a lying and thieving Hollywood executive Trog…” Or something like that. 

Anyway, in other words, you should do exactly nothing.

You see, dear Concerned Lady, the Trog thinks he gains something by stealing and believes he deceives whilst lying. But, in Noble reality, he is actually losing everything and deceiving nobody (but other Trogs, obviously).  

The Trog builds his entire life on lies and thievery. Why all one needs to do is look at the state of the current American political, financial, and legal system (let alone the “entertainment” industry) for an example of what, in the end, Trogs end up creating.

Their Graces relax during the filming of American Monarch**
(Much security was  needed  to keep Trogs off the set, obviously)

Aw, yes, but Trogs do so adore discord rather than concord, dissonance over harmony (my word, just listen to much of their “popular” music) vengeance over forgiveness, envy over gratitude and selfishness over selflessness. 

And yet these very Trogs then have the audacity to complain about the continuous torments in their little worlds of chaos that they themselves have created with their very thoughts, words, actions and habits!    

So. Predicable.

If you were to pursue these sadly misguided Trogs, they would only deny and lie their way out of any acknowledgement that they have done anything wrong.

Because that’s what Trogs do.

No, the better course is the Noble Lessons of Forgiveness and Moving On.

Remember this, dear Concerned Lady, your brilliant Noble mind is an endless well of clever ideas and sound convictions. Though opportunity may knock rarely at the stone-hard door of a Trog’s intellect, it is a regular solicitor at the intellectual door of the enlightened Noble.

Obviously.

*Any misconstrued notion that this “unnamed” reality show is related to Their Graces groundbreaking reality show (really more art than show) American Monarch should be put directly out of thought, obviously.

** Again, any misconstrued notion that this “unnamed” reality show is related to Their Graces groundbreaking reality show (really more art than show) American Monarch should be put directly out of thought, obviously.

Beware Trogs! @lordwestover Twitter Site Has Over 4000 Followers

Unidentified Trog (most likely that Steven Tyler person)
seeks to "congratulate" His Lordship upon hearing
of his growing Twitter flock

Westover: Beware Trogs! @lordwestover Twitter Site Has Over ...: By [some trog named] Robert Hudson Westover --  The Vast Estate (and me!) are very pleased to announce that the Lord Westover Twitter account, @lordwestove...