Friday, April 29, 2016

NEWS FLASH! Advanced copy of Time Magazine's Person of the Year leaked!

The Vast Estate (obviously) - In what sources of Time Magazine are calling one of the "worst" security breaches in their history, an "advanced" copy of it's yearly Person of the Year cover photo has been leaked to the press.

Upon hearing of the "leaked" cover photo Time's executives began, almost immediately, denying any involvement or connection "whatsoever" with the highly controversial cover image.

The magazine, which prides itself in "claiming" that it "doesn't know" who said person of the year will be until said "person" is selected "very soon before the end of any given year" is quite embarrassed by the incident (obviously).

The face that has launched a thousand controversies
[American Trogs, this is pronounced con-travisty]


The Vast Estate finds this pathetic we-are-so-shocked-and-in complete-disbelief-and-deny-all-knowledge-of-said-controversy rationale, well, rather difficult to believe.

"WE fairly firmly feel that the magazine was hacked by the same Chinese black opts military unit that kidnapped Lord Westover whilst he was on a tour of Australia and New Zealand in the winter of 2013--a tour we might add that was copied nearly city-by-city by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge only a few months later," stated Manservant to His Grace during a televised news conference from the Vast Estate.

Manservant then went on to mutter something under his breath that observers claim was something to the effect of "I wish those royals would stop imitating His Lordship..."


Thursday, April 21, 2016

Happy 90th Birthday Queen Elizabeth II!

His Grace, Lord Westover, wishes Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, a very happy 90th birthday--despite the fact that (yet again) His Lordship's invitation to the Queen's birthday party went "missing" in the Royal Mail Service.

A picture taken during "happier times" with Queen Elizabeth and Lord Westover. It is a relationship that Palace observers have always referred to as "odd" and "impossible". 

Saturday, January 9, 2016

2015's Most Noble Person of the Year Award!

The Vast Estate (obviously) - Lord Westover has announced the annual* Most Noble Person of the Year recognition for 2015. 

And the winner is… Every non-radicalized Muslim (in the world), obviously.

His Lordship’s somewhat curious departure from just naming one person was due in part to the harsh criticism peace loving Mohammedans are being confronted with as fundamentalists of their faith seek to reenact 7th Century tribal Bedouin norms on a modern world.

“Yes, I realize that at times the Prophet Mohammad acted out in very war-like ways, but his actions must be viewed from the perspective of the brutal life of the age in which he was born,” His Grace said whilst admiring his latest art acquisition, a bust of himself in marble (obviously). “It would make as much sense to emulate the Prophet’s more controversial militaristic actions today as it would be for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to imprison all of her adversaries and boil in oil the ones she likes least.”

Pictured above: Lord Westover and an the Earl of Fulton.
This photo is perhaps the one Mr. Trump refers to when he said
 "[Lord Westover is] all dressed up like a pretty little sultan."
Lord Westover went on to say (under his breath) that his last statement about the British Monarch’s ancient prerogative might not be a bad idea.

The world’s reaction to His Grace’s choice for Most Noble Person has been swift.

To. Say. The. Least.

American Presidential candidate’s reactions were rather painfully predicable with Hillary Clinton saying she had already give the peace-loving Islamic world this designation and Donald Trump demanded that Lord Westover “go back to the puny little estate you came from! You big noble looser!”  

Further investigation by FNN as substantiated that indeed Mrs. Clinton has never bestowed a "noble" persons award (on anyone) and, according to campaign sources, was having one of her "periodic-overlapping-fictional-memory lapses" for which she has apologized. 

However, Mr. Trump went on to say that he has a picture of Lord Westover dressed as an Ottoman sultan proving that his Lordship is a “Muslim sympathizer”.

“I have it...it's terrible. All dressed up like pretty little sultan. Disgusting.... Believe me, it’s not pretty,” the billionaire real estate mogul said to a roaring crowd of thousands.

Hash Tag: #JustBeNoble


*Loyal followers of His Lordship’s every move might notice that there were no individuals recognized for the 2012, 2013 and 2014 Noble person awards. According to His Grace this was due to a dearth of candidates (as well as the inconvenience of being held by Chinese nationals for over a year.) “So few in this world ruled by Trogs and it would be hardly appropriate to nominate myself or the Mysterious Lady K…” His Lordship said "off the record." 

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Lessons in Nobility - A Real Downton Abbey Story


"This Trog has written a fascinating book well worth the read!" Lord Westover, FNN

The Westover-Fulton Post -- Just Be Noble: Lessons in Nobility - A Real Downton Abbey Story: Now Available on Amazon   Who wouldn’t want a fairy godmother? They would lavish you with gifts, of course, but more importantly th...

Friday, December 11, 2015

A Christmas Story for All - The Forgotten History of “Gay” Santa


By His Grace, Lord Westover and the Earl of Fulton

Millions of children believe in Santa Claus, a mystical fat man who brings them presents, providing they are "good" (whatever that means), every Christmas. The fairy tale is loosely based on a true story of an actual man we know today as Saint Nicholas.

But what few of us are aware of is that “Jolly Old Saint Nick” had an Italian brother named Stefano or “Fabulous Saint Stefano”.

Found in the doll collection of Marie Antoinette,
this image of Gay Santa is thought by
historians to be the most accurate.
(The Lord Westover Collection, Obviously)  
History records Saint Stefano as the more flamboyant of the Claus siblings. Instead of breaking into homes and giving toys to children (in what seems a little odd for a stranger) Stefano brought the magic of fabulousness to all he encountered. And, most importantly, taught others to bring out their inner fabulousness—like your inner Nobility it's the gift that never stops giving!

In fact, the French Court of Louis XV so adored Stefano they began to refer to him as the (roughly translated) “Gay Santa”. But alas it was this adoration of the ruling French aristocratic class that was Gay Santa’s undoing.

Abandoning his prized position of robe designer in the Papal court to live at the Palace of Versailles, Stefano unwittingly found himself the ridicule of the Jacobin revolutionaries.

Gay Santa’s fabulousness, his pink silk-brocade-ermine-lined robes, meters long strands of pearls, diamond adored belts and his exquisitely manicured white flowing beard was just too much for the rough-hewed Jacobins, who, during the French Revolution, destroyed all images of Gay Santa and nearly erased him from history.

But the darkness and fear of ignorant minds could not keep the memory of Saint Stefano buried forever. Like the inner fabulousness (or Nobility) that dwells in all of us, the story of Gay Santa lives on!


A Very Merry Christmas from The Vast Estate! 
LW and EF

Friday, August 7, 2015

Nobility Training for Dummies - A Book That Will Change Your Life

The Vast Estate is pleased to announce that His Grace, Lord Westover has published, Nobility Training for Dummies a new E book to change the world (or at least America). And it is His Lordship's hope and prayer (a lot of prayers) that upon reading this work American Trogs will never be the same.



Exclusively sold on Amazon.com, FNN News is calling Nobility Training for Dummies “a book that will change the world!”

The book is a compilation of hilarious Dear-Abby- like columns where over the years “readers” of Lord Westover’s blog have written to ask him questions on “everyday” issues facing them. The book also includes opinion columns and many more articles written by or about His Grace.

(Note to Trogs: There are lots of pictures.)

A moving foreword by Manservant sets the tone for what is truly a life changing read according to FNN book editor the Earl of Fulton.

“It should be required reading in every high school on earth,” said His Earlship. “Lord Westover strips the boisterous American Trog down to his naked nothingness and parades said Trog’s shame in biting and near lyrical prose. I for one, shall never be the same having read Nobility Training for Dummies.”

Indeed, Lord Westover so wants every American Trog to read his book that “I have priced it at the cost of a Momma Celeste pizza,” stated His Grace in a recent interview.

To obtain this life altering book go to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013J4PQMK

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Breaking News: Queen Elizabeth II Thought to Have Freed Lord Westover From Chinese Prison!

The Vast Estate (obviously) -- In what can only be called the greatest escape in history, (or at least a really amazing one) Lord Westover [and his manservant] was freed by his Chinese captors in a
pre-dawn raid near Shanghai.

There is very little knowledge of the escape and how it was executed but sources close to the Vast Estate say a "mature" woman lead the raid with said "woman" taking out several dozen guards with her semi-automatic M2-A1 riffle.

"Let's just say that whomever she was, she knew how to use a weapon," said an unidentified British MI5 employee. "Apparently she took out several of the guards even before she successfully parachuted into the compound."

Some have speculated that it was none other than Queen Elizabeth II herself, but Buckingham Palace vehemently denies this, even though the palace had no explanation of the Queen's whereabouts over the weekend [whatever a "weekend"is].

Queen Elizabeth II with
Lord Westover in less exciting
times, obviously.

There is little doubt about the whereabouts of His Lordship, though, who is now recuperating on his Vast Estate.

However, sources close to His Grace say the nobleman is still shouting out orders like "some sort of Indo-Chinese potentate" but is showing progress.





However, a recent photo secretly taken and leaked to FNN shows Lord Westover, still in imperial Chinese garb, and "really getting into it," according sources.

His Grace, Lord Westover, apparently still
thinks he's a Chinese emperor

Saturday, March 8, 2014

URGENT BREAKING NEWS: Lord Westover Kidnapped by Chinese Nationals

Group seeking to steal technology to His Grace’s Nobility Oath 

(Manservant to His Grace, captured as well)

The Vast Estate, London (obviously) – In what can only be described as a Patricia Hearst type abduction carried out by “soldiers” of the infamous Chinese Liberation Army (CLA), Lord Westover, who has been missing since attending Chinese New Year’s celebrations in Sydney, Australia has appeared in a series of strange pictures and videos just released by the CLA.

In the bizarre videos and pictures, His Lordship appears to be dressed in high court imperial Chinese garb and apparently thinks he’s now the “Son of Heaven.” He [and Manservant] appears to be in some secure compound that resembles the gardens of the Forbidden City in Peking [Beijing].

Lord Westover and Manservant shortly after being
kidnapped by Chinese Nationals.
(Photo courtesy of their captors, obviously)
The former American colonies [the US government] and subjects of Her Majesty’s Government [the British government] psychologists consider this a troubling sign of His Lordship [and Manservant!] succumbing to brain washing much like Hearst did when she appeared with a semiautomatic weapon in a bank heist with her captors in the 1970s.

“We certainly hope His Lordship [and Manservant!!!] hasn’t broken under the relentless pressure used by groups like the CLA,” A State Department spokesperson said at a recent news conference.

According to Her Majesty’s Government subjects [again, British government officials] the CLA, which is believed to be a covert arm of the Chinese government, is seeking access to the secrets behind His Lordship’s Nobility Oath, which the Chinese think will make any person a more "fabulous," "harmonious" and noble person.

One of CLA’s most well-known tactics, often used on Western businessmen, is to make them watch the film The Last Emperor continuously for weeks-on-end. They then begin to think they are Henry Pu Yi, China’s last sitting emperor. The harsh mind altering technique was developed at the Chinese super-secret military facility known only as Un Yu.

In this induced hallucinatory state, referred to my psychologists as Pui Yi Syndrome (or PYS Un Yu) the victims quickly begins to turn over all their industrial secrets, for which they have access, to Chinese officials in a bid to remain in a fantastical Forbidden City, much like the real Henry Pu Yi did in his own life.

His Grace, Lord Westover, clearly in the
throes of PYS Un Yu Syndrome.
(Photo courtesy of Manservant...wait. What?)

“WE have attempted to communicate with leaders in both the Chinese government and the CLA that the Nobility Oath has no secrets and is free for all to take and to live by its simple principles, as Lord Westover has clearly stated,” A source from Buckingham Palace, with a strikingly similar voice to Queen Elizabeth II, was reported as saying.

However, "The Palace" has vehemently denied it was Her Majesty the Queen. “She doesn’t even know who or what a ‘Lord Westover’ is,” One official was quoted as saying.

The Chinese government has refused to comment. However, a source close to the CLA said that anything that can change a person from being a complete loser trog to being a Noble person, animated to do good in the world, and with such efficacy, must have a very technical and complicated system behind to make it so effectual. (Obviously.)

WARNING: This video contains highly disturbing footage of His Lordship and Manservant... (too.)





“They [the Chinese government and the CLA] are seriously missing the point,” Her Grace, the mysterious Lady K said whilst stepping away from an elegant soirĂ©es to comment on the crisis. 

“One cannot possibly expect ever to be truly Noble by stealing what does not belong to one.” When asked about her concern for His Lordship's safety [and Manserv...we give up], Her Ladyship smiled and said, “He must be having a jolly good time! Son of Heaven. Indeed!”



Her Ladyship electing to take-in
the fragrance of a rose before 
commenting to the world press.    




The Vast Estate will be following this story closely (obviously), so please stay tuned. 

His Lordship's spokesperson Count Dracula and the Earl of Fulton contributed to this story.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Lord Westover Declares Noble Boycott of Winter Olympics in Russia

His Grace declares Russian laws targeting openly Gays citizens and Gay tourists as unacceptable, obviously 

His Grace will also soon declare Vladimir Putin the Most Ignoble Person--ever

The Vast Estate (obviously) – In a move that is sure to rally Nobles across the world, His Grace, Lord Westover, has officially declared a “Noble” boycott of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russian and is asking all Noble persons to boycott Russian products and to refrain from traveling to the country.

Ambushed by reporters from RT (A Russian "news" network) 
His Grace quickly reaches into his pocket and hands them a 
shiny coin, easily distracting them. (Photo Credit: The AP)
“Before the Russian Revolution, the mysterious Siberian monk Rasputin once prophesied that all Nobles would be swept from Russian lands. With the recent anti-Gay laws passed in Russia this prophesy has come true,” said a visibly agitated Lord Westover as he read aloud his edict from the balcony of The Vast Estate. “This leaves us Nobles with no other option but to officially declare the Russian government the world’s first Kingdom of the Trogs.”

His Lordship added that henceforth Russia should be shunned by all civilized persons until they make a drastic course correction. Part of this shunning was later described in His Grace’s four hour long edict and including a sweeping boycott of Noble products like Faberge Eggs and other imperial era objects d’ art.

      In a vain attempt to stop Lord Westover from declaring 
him the most "Ignoble Person--Ever" Vladimir Putin 
      uses subliminal messaging to lure Their Graces into his clutches
His Grace's often harsh critique of Russia in the speech also included detailed histories as to why Russia’s cultural connection to the Byzantine and Mongol empires “explains” the nation’s oft appearance as being the “mentally disturbed stepchild of the West.”


After what was called by much of the media as a “real *&%$ long press conference” only two reporters from RT, a Russian television "news" network, remained and attempted to accost His Grace, who tactfully offered them caviar and champagne at which point they acquiesced and told His Lordship just how embarrassed they were to be Russian.

Lord Westover agreed.

According to Vast Estate sources, taking this rather drastic action by His Grace did not come easily as his mentor, or “Countess Godmother,” the reputed revelator of his true Noble Being was, herself, a Russian countess.

“She would be immeasurably disappointed with the current Russian government,” Lord Westover was heard to say in a candid moment with Her Grace, The Mysterious Lady K.

“Obviously,” Her Ladyship was said to have responded

Friday, May 31, 2013

Ask A Lord - Forget Where's Waldo - Where's The Mysterious Lady K?

Yo, Your Lordliness – What’s up with the mysterious Lady K, bro?! She’s been out of sight for way too long!!! You keep reposting old pics of her.  She been incarcerated or what?! Or did you fire her or somethin’?

A Concerned WorshipHER of H.H. (Her Hotness! Bro!) Lady K.

Dear Concerned WorshipHER – Her Grace, The Mysterious Lady K, has indeed been “out of sight” for quite some time and I know not where she is (obviously). That is to say, she could be hiding out in Buckingham Palace, Versailles, the moon—your guess is as good as mine.

The "last" known picture of The Mysterious Lady K
taken whilst on the set of the reality show pilot for American Monarch
Her Ladyship’s acolytes are well aware of her delightful capriciousness and revel in her lack of predictability. And, cruelly, some critics have gone so far as to refer to Her Grace as “The Lindsey Lohan of Nobles.”

I, for one, do not cast judgment upon any fellow Noble, even if they fall off the Noble path repeatedly (this is not an indirect suggestion of Lady K’s life) and leave the banner of Nobility twisting in the proverbial wind.

For what ultimately matters is if one pulls herself out of the mire of Trog iniquity and begins again to carry the standard of nobility aloft on her journey through this oft perplexing and curious world dominated by so many Troglodytes (again, this is not an indirect reference to Lady K).

So, when in her own time, Her Ladyship returns to The Vast Estate, she shall be welcomed with opened Faberge eggs! Until that time, carry on mysterious and Noble Lady K--carry on!


LW

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Ask A Lord - To Be the King of What?


My Dearest Lord , I write to you with great distress. It seems that a rather brutish gaggle of “Hollywood” Trogs has stolen the very unique and original concept for a realty show a Noble companion and I have labored to create for several years.

Our reality show (which shall go unnamed*) was to bring to the unwashed and pitiful masses of America the concepts of what being Noble is—an ideal to be sought after and (hopefully) achieved.

Instead, a horrific bastardization has appeared from some of the very “entertainment” industry executives with whom we attempted to reach! This heinous, demented and illegitimate (in my humble opinion) “show” is puerilely entitled: King of the Nerds.  (I know, such a ghastly title—can you believe such impertinent pretense?)

What is the proper response to these disdainful liars and thieves?

With All Sincerity, A Concerned Lady

Dear Concerned Lady – There is immense wisdom in the old adage “He that is slow to wrath certainly is not a lying and thieving Hollywood executive Trog…” Or something like that. 

Anyway, in other words, you should do exactly nothing.

You see, dear Concerned Lady, the Trog thinks he gains something by stealing and believes he deceives whilst lying. But, in Noble reality, he is actually losing everything and deceiving nobody (but other Trogs, obviously).  

The Trog builds his entire life on lies and thievery. Why all one needs to do is look at the state of the current American political, financial, and legal system (let alone the “entertainment” industry) for an example of what, in the end, Trogs end up creating.

Their Graces relax during the filming of American Monarch**
(Much security was  needed  to keep Trogs off the set, obviously)
Aw, yes, but Trogs do so adore discord rather than concord, dissonance over harmony (my word, just listen to much of their “popular” music) vengeance over forgiveness, envy over gratitude and selfishness over selflessness. 

And yet these very Trogs then have the audacity to complain about the continuous torments in their little worlds of chaos that they themselves have created with their very thoughts, words, actions and habits!    

So. Predicable.


If you were to pursue these sadly misguided Trogs, they would only deny and lie their way out of any acknowledgement that they have done anything wrong.

Because that’s what Trogs do.

No, the better course is the Noble Lessons of Forgiveness and Moving On.

Remember this, dear Concerned Lady, your brilliant Noble mind is an endless well of clever ideas and sound convictions. Though opportunity may knock rarely at the stone-hard door of a Trog’s intellect, it is a regular solicitor at the intellectual door of the enlightened Noble.

Obviously.

*Any misconstrued notion that this “unnamed” reality show is related to Their Graces groundbreaking reality show (really more art than show) American Monarch should be put directly out of thought, obviously.

** Again, any misconstrued notion that this “unnamed” reality show is related to Their Graces groundbreaking reality show (really more art than show) American Monarch should be put directly out of thought, obviously.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Beware Trogs! @lordwestover Twitter Site Has Over 4000 Followers

Unidentified Trog (most likely that Steven Tyler person)
seeks to "congratulate" His Lordship upon hearing
of his growing Twitter flock


Westover: Beware Trogs! @lordwestover Twitter Site Has Over ...: By [some trog named] Robert Hudson Westover --  The Vast Estate (and me!) are very pleased to announce that the Lord Westover Twitter account, @lordwestove...


Monday, December 31, 2012

The highly anticipated 2012 Noble Act of the Year!...

Full Noble News: The highly anticipated 2012 Noble Act of the Year!...: 2012 Ignoble Act or Igie handed out as well - Posted by The Earl of Fulton whilst on his sojourn in  Constantinople [Istanbul]   And the winner is... (not Prince Charles)

Prince Charles bursts into tears upon hearing he was
passed over for 2012 Noble persons award.