2015's Most Noble Person of the Year Award!

The Vast Estate (obviously) - Lord Westover has announced the annual* Most Noble Person of the Year recognition for 2015. 

And the winner is… Every non-radicalized Muslim (in the world), obviously.

His Lordship’s somewhat curious departure from just naming one person was due in part to the harsh criticism peace loving Mohammedans are being confronted with as fundamentalists of their faith seek to reenact 7^th Century tribal Bedouin norms on a modern world.

“Yes, I realize that at times the Prophet Mohammad acted out in very war-like ways, but his actions must be viewed from the perspective of the brutal life of the age in which he was born,” His Grace said whilst admiring his latest art acquisition, a bust of himself in marble (obviously). “It would make as much sense to emulate the Prophet’s more controversial militaristic actions today as it would be for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to imprison all of her adversaries and boil in oil the ones she likes least.”

Pictured above: Lord Westover and an the Earl of Fulton.
This photo is perhaps the one Mr. Trump refers to when he said
 "[Lord Westover is] all dressed up like a pretty little sultan."

Lord Westover went on to say (under his breath) that his last statement about the British Monarch’s ancient prerogative might not be a bad idea.

The world’s reaction to His Grace’s choice for Most Noble Person has been swift.

To. Say. The. Least.

American Presidential candidate’s reactions were rather painfully predicable with Hillary Clinton saying she had already give the peace-loving Islamic world this designation and Donald Trump demanded that Lord Westover “go back to the puny little estate you came from! You big noble looser!”  

Further investigation by FNN as substantiated that indeed Mrs. Clinton has never bestowed a "noble" persons award (on anyone) and, according to campaign sources, was having one of her "periodic-overlapping-fictional-memory lapses" for which she has apologized. 

However, Mr. Trump went on to say that he has a picture of Lord Westover dressed as an Ottoman sultan proving that his Lordship is a “Muslim sympathizer”.

“I have it...it's terrible. All dressed up like pretty little sultan. Disgusting.... Believe me, it’s not pretty,” the billionaire real estate mogul said to a roaring crowd of thousands.

Hash Tag: #JustBeNoble

*Loyal followers of His Lordship’s every move might notice that there were no individuals recognized for the 2012, 2013 and 2014 Noble person awards. According to His Grace this was due to a dearth of candidates (as well as the inconvenience of being held by Chinese nationals for over a year.) “So few in this world ruled by Trogs and it would be hardly appropriate to nominate myself or the Mysterious Lady K…” His Lordship said "off the record." 

Nobility Training for Dummies - A Book That Will Change Your Life

The Vast Estate is pleased to announce that His Grace, Lord Westover has published, Nobility Training for Dummies a new E book to change the world (or at least America). And it is His Lordship's hope and prayer (a lot of prayers) that upon reading this work American Trogs will never be the same.

Exclusively sold on Amazon.com, FNN News is calling Nobility Training for Dummies “a book that will change the world!”

The book is a compilation of hilarious Dear-Abby- like columns where over the years “readers” of Lord Westover’s blog have written to ask him questions on “everyday” issues facing them. The book also includes opinion columns and many more articles written by or about His Grace.

(Note to Trogs: There are lots of pictures.)

A moving foreword by Manservant sets the tone for what is truly a life changing read according to FNN book editor the Earl of Fulton.

“It should be required reading in every high school on earth,” said His Earlship. “Lord Westover strips the boisterous American Trog down to his naked nothingness and parades said Trog’s shame in biting and near lyrical prose. I for one, shall never be the same having read Nobility Training for Dummies.”

Indeed, Lord Westover so wants every American Trog to read his book that “I have priced it at the cost of a Momma Celeste pizza,” stated His Grace in a recent interview.

To obtain this life altering book go to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013J4PQMK .

All proceeds from the sales of Nobility Training for Dummies are donated to charity...obviously. 

Breaking News: Queen Elizabeth II Thought to Have Freed Lord Westover From Chinese Prison!

The Vast Estate (obviously) -- In what can only be called the greatest escape in history, (or at least a really amazing one) Lord Westover [and his manservant] was freed by his Chinese captors in a
pre-dawn raid near Shanghai.

There is very little knowledge of the escape and how it was executed but sources close to the Vast Estate say a "mature" woman lead the raid with said "woman" taking out several dozen guards with her semi-automatic M2-A1 riffle.

"Let's just say that whomever she was, she knew how to use a weapon," said an unidentified British MI5 employee. "Apparently she took out several of the guards even before she successfully parachuted into the compound."

Some have speculated that it was none other than Queen Elizabeth II herself, but Buckingham Palace vehemently denies this, even though the palace had no explanation of the Queen's whereabouts over the weekend [whatever a "weekend"is].

Queen Elizabeth II with
Lord Westover in less exciting
times, obviously.

There is little doubt about the whereabouts of His Lordship, though, who is now recuperating on his Vast Estate.

However, sources close to His Grace say the nobleman is still shouting out orders like "some sort of Indo-Chinese potentate" but is showing progress.





However, a recent photo secretly taken and leaked to FNN shows Lord Westover, still in imperial Chinese garb, and "really getting into it," according sources.

His Grace, Lord Westover, apparently still
thinks he's a Chinese emperor

URGENT BREAKING NEWS: Lord Westover Kidnapped by Chinese Nationals

Group seeking to steal technology to His Grace’s Nobility Oath 

(Manservant to His Grace, captured as well)

The Vast Estate, London (obviously) – In what can only be described as a Patricia Hearst type abduction carried out by “soldiers” of the infamous Chinese Liberation Army (CLA), Lord Westover, who has been missing since attending Chinese New Year’s celebrations in Sydney, Australia has appeared in a series of strange pictures and videos just released by the CLA.

In the bizarre videos and pictures, His Lordship appears to be dressed in high court imperial Chinese garb and apparently thinks he’s now the “Son of Heaven.” He [and Manservant] appears to be in some secure compound that resembles the gardens of the Forbidden City in Peking [Beijing].

Lord Westover and Manservant shortly after being
kidnapped by Chinese Nationals.
(Photo courtesy of their captors, obviously)

The former American colonies [the US government] and subjects of Her Majesty’s Government [the British government] psychologists consider this a troubling sign of His Lordship [and Manservant!] succumbing to brain washing much like Hearst did when she appeared with a semiautomatic weapon in a bank heist with her captors in the 1970s.

“We certainly hope His Lordship [and Manservant!!!] hasn’t broken under the relentless pressure used by groups like the CLA,” A State Department spokesperson said at a recent news conference.

According to Her Majesty’s Government subjects [again, British government officials] the CLA, which is believed to be a covert arm of the Chinese government, is seeking access to the secrets behind His Lordship’s Nobility Oath, which the Chinese think will make any person a more "fabulous," "harmonious" and noble person.

One of CLA’s most well-known tactics, often used on Western businessmen, is to make them watch the film The Last Emperor continuously for weeks-on-end. They then begin to think they are Henry Pu Yi, China’s last sitting emperor. The harsh mind altering technique was developed at the Chinese super-secret military facility known only as Un Yu.

In this induced hallucinatory state, referred to my psychologists as Pui Yi Syndrome (or PYS Un Yu) the victims quickly begins to turn over all their industrial secrets, for which they have access, to Chinese officials in a bid to remain in a fantastical Forbidden City, much like the real Henry Pu Yi did in his own life.

His Grace, Lord Westover, clearly in the
throes of PYS Un Yu Syndrome.
(Photo courtesy of Manservant...wait. What?)

“WE have attempted to communicate with leaders in both the Chinese government and the CLA that the Nobility Oath has no secrets and is free for all to take and to live by its simple principles, as Lord Westover has clearly stated,” A source from Buckingham Palace, with a strikingly similar voice to Queen Elizabeth II, was reported as saying.

However, "The Palace" has vehemently denied it was Her Majesty the Queen. “She doesn’t even know who or what a ‘Lord Westover’ is,” One official was quoted as saying.

The Chinese government has refused to comment. However, a source close to the CLA said that anything that can change a person from being a complete loser trog to being a Noble person, animated to do good in the world, and with such efficacy, must have a very technical and complicated system behind to make it so effectual. (Obviously.)

WARNING: This video contains highly disturbing footage of His Lordship and Manservant... (too.)

“They [the Chinese government and the CLA] are seriously missing the point,” Her Grace, the mysterious Lady K said whilst stepping away from an elegant soirées to comment on the crisis. 

“One cannot possibly expect ever to be truly Noble by stealing what does not belong to one.” When asked about her concern for His Lordship's safety [and Manserv...we give up], Her Ladyship smiled and said, “He must be having a jolly good time! Son of Heaven. Indeed!”

Her Ladyship electing to take-in

the fragrance of a rose before 

commenting to the world press.    

The Vast Estate will be following this story closely (obviously), so please stay tuned. 

His Lordship's spokesperson Count Dracula and the Earl of Fulton contributed to this story.