Nobility Training for Dummies - A Book That Will Change Your Life

The Vast Estate is pleased to announce that His Grace, Lord Westover has published, Nobility Training for Dummies a new E book to change the world (or at least America). And it is His Lordship's hope and prayer (a lot of prayers) that upon reading this work American Trogs will never be the same.

Exclusively sold on Amazon.com, FNN News is calling Nobility Training for Dummies “a book that will change the world!”

The book is a compilation of hilarious Dear-Abby- like columns where over the years “readers” of Lord Westover’s blog have written to ask him questions on “everyday” issues facing them. The book also includes opinion columns and many more articles written by or about His Grace.

(Note to Trogs: There are lots of pictures.)

A moving foreword by Manservant sets the tone for what is truly a life changing read according to FNN book editor the Earl of Fulton.

“It should be required reading in every high school on earth,” said His Earlship. “Lord Westover strips the boisterous American Trog down to his naked nothingness and parades said Trog’s shame in biting and near lyrical prose. I for one, shall never be the same having read Nobility Training for Dummies.”

Indeed, Lord Westover so wants every American Trog to read his book that “I have priced it at the cost of a Momma Celeste pizza,” stated His Grace in a recent interview.

To obtain this life altering book go to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013J4PQMK .

All proceeds from the sales of Nobility Training for Dummies are donated to charity...obviously. 

Nobility

A Poem by His Grace, Lord Westover, Obviously

In wondrous Nobility abiding no troglodyte my heart shall fear!

For safe is such confiding for no trog dares to venture here…

Their troglydarian storms shall roar without me

Their thoughts are so low and belayed

But Noble-life-ambition is my compass and can I be dismayed?

Their Graces, Lord Westover
and the mysterious Lady K 
at home, obviously

Where ever this Noble compass shall guide me, no wantonness shall turn me back!

My noble life guides (Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K, obviously) are beside me and nothing can I lack.

Their wisdom is ever awake—and their sight is never dim!

They know the path they take and it is like a glorious noble hymn!  

Vast noble estates lay before me which yet I have not seen!

Bright ideas and joyous experience rule over me where
darkest moribund and selfish thoughts have been…

My Noble hope I cannot measure!

Our paths in Life are free

Their Graces point out the treasure

And they shall walk with me!
LW

Ask a Lord – A New and Profound Day of Ponderance

Ask a Lord – A New and Profound Day of Ponderance

Westover [sic] – I am a real [sic] British lord of high noble birth and have recently found myself out of a job for simply speaking truth about the incessant whining of the middle class during these “hard” economic times. Poppycock! These troglodytes have never had it so good. Here, below, is my honest query:  How exactly does a nobleman explain to the masses the obvious without riling them into a rapid middle class frenzy?

A British Lord Wishing to Remain Anonymous

Trog, yes Lord Young, trog, for that is the only proper reference to one as insensitive and callous as you of a supposed “high noble birth” have revealed yourself to be in the above diatribe cloaked as an “honest query”.

“Incessant whining?” How revolting. Tis truly “nobles” like you, Young, who give all “real” nobles a self-indulged and garishly (and fabulously) tarnished reputation amongst the middle classes. You, sir, have obviously never taken the Nobility Oath for had you, you would have thought before tongue lashing the proletariat.

Perhaps my much discussed and examined rearing by Gypsies gives me a unique and noble insight into the special “trials and tribulations” of the masses. So, out of my deeply humble and immeasurable compassion and, yes, sincere adoration for humanity and the defense of all nobles (obviously) let me plainly point out why your statement which, precipitated your much deserved status within the unemployed, was profoundly ill-conceived in its misguided attempt at stiff-upper-lipnist.

Firstly, one must understand the psychology of the lower classes. Simply put, they live for the moment; the transient thrill; the “Sha la la live for the day” melody of their odd universe and cannot, for reasons I have yet to quite understand, refuse to see, like stubborn mules, the glorious possibilities which lay before them. Or like hogs before a gloriously appointed thanksgiving table they do consume but at what a cost to the fine china, crystal and Limoges!  I write these harsh sentiments not as cruel jests upon their abhorrent frivolity but as a genuine gesture of sympathy and sincere longing to free them of their aborted life efforts.

To save for a better future, or encourage their issue to improve upon their sordid lot, is inconceivable to this happy throng of colorful dancers, tambourine tapping temptresses and clever “sell a bottle of doctor good” entrepreneurs.  But, Young, we must see the world for what it is, working within its strange and often warped parameters, and hope and encourage for a better realization of how we would like it to be.  

Hence the profundity of the Nobility Oath and all the weightiness it entails.  So, in the spirit of the American holiday known as Thanksgiving let us nobles introduce a new and more profound day of contemplation. We shall henceforth call this day before Thanksgiving “Forgive a Trog Day” with all that implies. LW  

Their Graces gather in the woods for
the first Forgive a Trog Day

Take the Nobility Oath!

The Nobility Oath

I swear by the nature of all things noble to be noble in all my ways of mannerism and interaction with other nobles and, yes, the masses too--obviously. Furthermore, I vow to have the majesty of my nobleness presented to all troglodytes in the serene hope that the nobility in them, though buried under a colossal pile of ignoble inklings and intents, shall rise in splendid regality to meet my own.

                                             Their Graces administering the Nobility Oath

See photos of their Graces administering the Nobility Oath!

Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K in photos at the Jon Stewart Rally in the American capital. Afterwards their Graces host a gathering of friends including Count Dracula (a true nobleman despite his strange choice of drink!) See it all: http://www.flickr.com/people/lordwestover/

Lord Westover and Lady K in music video!

Their Graces at the Jon Steward "rally" in the American capital. Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K were in town to administer the Nobility Oath.
I just made a video at Animoto!

Revealed: schedule for 'Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear' - CSMonitor.com

Lord Westover's and Lady K's mission to administer the Nobility Oath at Jon Stewart rally in DC mentioned in the Christian Science Monitor!

Revealed: schedule for 'Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear' - CSMonitor.com: "The Christian Science Monitor - CSMonitor.com
Vox News
Revealed: schedule for 'Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear'
Comedy Central has provided no details about the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert 'Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.' But the park service permit lays out the schedule minute-by-minute."

Ask a Lord: The Two Headed Fanged Serpent of the Ignoble

Your Highness [sic]: I’m just a plain Jane type [obviously] who wants to be noble in all I say and do—just like your oath says! Anyways [sic] Sometimes I find it real easy to do (be noble and all) but most of the time I find myself sitting in front of the TV watching some reality show where, for the most part, people don’t treat each other very nobly.  It really bums me out [sic] and all I want to do is sit there and watch more. So, your Highness, what can I do to be nobler!

Despertly wanting to be noble.

Trog – To be noble is to simply identify and avoid the traits in you and others that are most associated with trogdom. And what are these vile traits you may ask? Boiled down to their core, they are apathy and stupidity.  The two headed fanged serpent of the ignoble.  

But fret not, much research has been conducted in noble circles to quickly isolate and destroy these characteristics in trogs. You may be familiar with the early research of Lord Smartingall who, in the late nineteenth century, conducted medical experiments on female dogs who incessantly chased their tails. After a great while, and much dizziness, the misguided canines would cease this stupidity, lie on the floor (in a type of trog-like contemplative apathy) then take up their whirling dervish ways with abandon.  

Even the mysterious Lady K admits to having suffered from SBS

This chasing tails syndrome you may know as SBS or Stupid Bitch Syndrome. And, I am sorry to say, but from your letter, you are, dare I say, the poster bitch of this vicious spiral of lifelong apathy and stupidity.

Simply put, stupid bitch trog, stop the tail chasing. Instead of watching “The Real Housewives” why not catch an opera or rent an English countryside period piece film. You will soon find the “housewives” to be Whores of Trogdom and not worth your noble time or energy. LW

The Lord Westover Nobility Oath

I [your name] vow to have the majesty of my nobleness presented to all troglodytes in the serene hope that the nobility in them, though buried under a colossal pile of ignoble inklings and intents, shall rise in splendid regality to meet my own. 

His Grace, Lord Westover