Ask a Lord – A New and Profound Day of Ponderance

Ask a Lord – A New and Profound Day of Ponderance

Westover [sic] – I am a real [sic] British lord of high noble birth and have recently found myself out of a job for simply speaking truth about the incessant whining of the middle class during these “hard” economic times. Poppycock! These troglodytes have never had it so good. Here, below, is my honest query:  How exactly does a nobleman explain to the masses the obvious without riling them into a rapid middle class frenzy?

A British Lord Wishing to Remain Anonymous

Trog, yes Lord Young, trog, for that is the only proper reference to one as insensitive and callous as you of a supposed “high noble birth” have revealed yourself to be in the above diatribe cloaked as an “honest query”.

“Incessant whining?” How revolting. Tis truly “nobles” like you, Young, who give all “real” nobles a self-indulged and garishly (and fabulously) tarnished reputation amongst the middle classes. You, sir, have obviously never taken the Nobility Oath for had you, you would have thought before tongue lashing the proletariat.

Perhaps my much discussed and examined rearing by Gypsies gives me a unique and noble insight into the special “trials and tribulations” of the masses. So, out of my deeply humble and immeasurable compassion and, yes, sincere adoration for humanity and the defense of all nobles (obviously) let me plainly point out why your statement which, precipitated your much deserved status within the unemployed, was profoundly ill-conceived in its misguided attempt at stiff-upper-lipnist.

Firstly, one must understand the psychology of the lower classes. Simply put, they live for the moment; the transient thrill; the “Sha la la live for the day” melody of their odd universe and cannot, for reasons I have yet to quite understand, refuse to see, like stubborn mules, the glorious possibilities which lay before them. Or like hogs before a gloriously appointed thanksgiving table they do consume but at what a cost to the fine china, crystal and Limoges!  I write these harsh sentiments not as cruel jests upon their abhorrent frivolity but as a genuine gesture of sympathy and sincere longing to free them of their aborted life efforts.

To save for a better future, or encourage their issue to improve upon their sordid lot, is inconceivable to this happy throng of colorful dancers, tambourine tapping temptresses and clever “sell a bottle of doctor good” entrepreneurs.  But, Young, we must see the world for what it is, working within its strange and often warped parameters, and hope and encourage for a better realization of how we would like it to be.  

Hence the profundity of the Nobility Oath and all the weightiness it entails.  So, in the spirit of the American holiday known as Thanksgiving let us nobles introduce a new and more profound day of contemplation. We shall henceforth call this day before Thanksgiving “Forgive a Trog Day” with all that implies. LW  

Their Graces gather in the woods for
the first Forgive a Trog Day