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Their Amazing Graces – Tuppence Plowing Will Make You Free

And Why Income is Not Wealth

My Dearest Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K – My spouse exceeds in being, well, so middle class. Every time I turn around it’s “we can’t afford this or we can’t afford that”. In fact, just the other day, I spotted a lovely pre-1917 Faberge work (at an unbelievable bargain price!) and all he could say was “This costs as much as a new car. We can’t afford it.”

Well, let’s just say “I lost it” and stormed out of the room declaring: You are the most miserly middle class person I have ever known! It’s absurd! Between our “jobs” and estate income, we make a rather handsome living but reminding Sir Middle Class of this only elicits the same response: Income is not wealth.  

Can you believe this!!!??? What should I do? Open a secret Swiss bank account and pretend my pre-1917 Faberge pieces are simply post-modern Fauxperge trash?

Longing for Pre-1917 Faberge but Married to a Boorish Middle Class Troglodyte

Dear Longing for Pre-1917 Faberge but Married to a Boorish Middle Class Troglodyte – We know all too well the dilemma to which you refer above. On one hand you so deserve all those refined objects de art but on the other hand you have to (dare we say) budget your income! It is indeed the age old conflict of dignity verse duty.

Yes, duty.

Their Graces with the most frugal of Monarchs, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth

You see, fellow Noble, unless one is living exclusively off the proceeds of one’s vast estate (like we), whether it be stock, bonds or lands, one is trapped (as it were) in the girdle of, well, the middle class. That is to say, someone or some entity with lots of capital [this means money for our trog readers] elects for a given time to handover said capital to you until they do not, obviously.

(Yes, this harsh system comes as a stark and chilling realization for many a Noble.)

In your cases, it seems that your “jobs” provide a disproportionate amount of household “income”. If this is indeed the case (as it seems to be for say 99.9 percent of the world’s population) then, dear friend of Nobility, you need to strap on the middle class girdle for (like many a trog) your household is dependent upon the tuppence of others.   

And, unlike the delightful, yet sorely misguided advice in that infantile musical about servants flying kites and cleaning chimneys, it is highly important that you continue to “invest” your tuppence “in the bank” for if you ignore this sage counsel you will truly find yourself adorning the constricting girdle of the middle class for a long, long time.

The great exemplar of this tragic condition of being forever girdled is a dear Noble friend of ours who once commanded the heights of reputation and income. This Noblewoman, we shall refer to only as Baroness B, spent lavishly and justified this thriftless recklessness as a necessity and indeed a deserved dividend of all her laborious work.

Unfortunately, Baroness B had ceased to categorize herself as “girdled” and a dependent receiver of tuppence and thus began her slow decline – the invisible price one pays for this self-imposed delusional state – into forever girldeddom. 

To this day, dear Baroness B must work, not because she wants to, but because she has to. Had she wisely deferred instant gratification and invested her tuppence (in the best and most prudent manner in which she could eventually reasonably replace her lavish standard of living), she would have had to buy less pre-1917 Faberge and embarked on fewer world cruises, but could have retired (or freed herself from the Gilded Girdle as we Noble like to say) whilst still relatively youthful.

In other words (for those still too dense to get the point), Baroness B could have lived the life of a truly free Noble person by putting off the ethereal amusements and bling of many a trog and plowed her tuppence into wise investments. Tragically, though, like so many of us (well, like most of our readers), she toils away dreaming of the day she will not have to seek tuppence from the proverbial “man.”

Though this “tuppence plowing” is by its very nature undignified (who doesn’t want their very own Fabarge Egg?), dear Noble, it is indeed your duty to free yourself from the Gilded Girdle by dutifully plowing (as it were) your tuppence “patiently, cautiously, trustingly in the, to be specific, in [the] Bank!” (Obviously!)

Gloriously submitted,

Their Graces

A Special Announcement from Lord Westover’s Vast Estate:

A Vast Estate (obviously) -- Today Queen Elizabeth, as head of state to the Commonwealth of Nations, has approved the succession of the first born child—either male or female—to  the centuries old British Throne.

His Grace, Lord Westover, gives a hearty “here, here” to such news. However, the next and obvious question is: When will Buckingham Palace (or world monarchies for that matter) accept the children of kidnapped nobles back into their fold? 

For those unaware of this highly emotional repatriation issue it is commonly known as the Noble Childhood Gypsy Abduction Reunification Movement (NOC GARM).

However, by publication time, Buckingham Palace had yet to get back to His Lordship on this pressing issue.

Their Graces, Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K
(both victims of horrific kidnappings by gypsies) await
response from Buckingham Palace on the issue of
Noble Childhood Gypsy Abduction Reunification

An Emergency Message from His Grace, Lord Westover, obviously

Debt ceiling crisis forces Lord Westover to petition Queen Elizabeth to seize former American colony

To Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II

Your Majesty, It has come to both my and the world’s attention that your former colony seems to be incapable of governing itself as the recent “debt ceiling” controversy has demonstrated, obviously.

Queen Elizabeth II with His Grace, Lord Westover

As was admonished by  Alexis de Tocqueville (a Cassandra for the American Republic if there ever where one!) once these American plebeians (trogs) figure out that they can essentially blackmail their elected representatives into doing whatever fool-hearted legislative whim they please, the great Republic will find itself ungovernable. This inability to govern took several hundred years, but it indeed seems to be happening now.

I have tried in vain to warn these Americans of the political trap of obsessive ideologies, but they have failed to listen—so deafened it seems by the din of their acrimony that they have abandoned all sense of unity—or common scene for that matter!

I dare say it rather feels like a civil war…

On one side you have a conservative ideology of little to no taxation. Yet every nation where taxation is low is either dysfunctional or oppressive.

On the other side you have a liberal ideology that says the government should take care of the needs of the poor without realistic accountability for abuse or excessive costs.

As your Majesty knows, I share a great deal of sympathy with these Americans as upon my abduction by gypsies, I was raised here (this is not intended to make you feel guilty). 

Consequently, the only hope I see for these politically dazed and ideologically confused Americans, is that you, Your Majesty, in your imperial splendor, should revoke their nationhood and assume control of their acrimonious government (at least for a few years).

And, perhaps, under your enlightened subjugation, these Americans will see how irresponsible it is to hold theirs and the world’s economy hostage as they haggle over ideology.

Devotedly submitted by your semi-subject,

Lord Westover

July 1, 2011 is Inner Nobility Day! Celebrate the Nobility Oath!

The Nobility Oath

I swear by the nature of all things noble to be noble in all my ways of mannerism and interaction with other nobles and, yes, the masses too--obviously. Furthermore, I vow to have the majesty of my nobleness presented to all troglodytes in the serene hope that the nobility in them, though buried under a colossal pile of ignoble inklings and intents, shall rise in splendid regality to meet my own.

A special message from Their Graces

The attention being lavished on us during this joyous occasion for Prince William and Kate Middleton is completely unacceptable and must cease. We do adore our fans, but adoration need not diminish the attention that should be directed at the soon-to-be royal couple. Indeed, it should only enhance it.

Lovingly submitted,

Their Graces, Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K.

Her Grace, The Mysterious Lady K -- 2011 Official Court Portrait

His Grace, Lord Westover -- 2011 Official Court Portraits

Nobility Oath Day!

Their Grace's administer the Nobility Oath in this music video set to the haunting

theme of a Gypsy melody reminiscent of their sojourn whilst in Gypsy Captivitus.

Make the Nobility Oath Your New Years Resolution!

The Nobility Oath

I swear by the nature of all things noble to be noble in all my ways of mannerism and interaction with other nobles and, yes, the masses too--obviously. Furthermore, I vow to have the majesty of my nobleness presented to all troglodytes in the serene hope that the nobility in them, though buried under a colossal pile of ignoble inklings and intents, shall rise in splendid regality to meet my own.

Their Graces, Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K with the Earl of Fulton
aministering the Nobility Oath as the rabble looks on

His Grace in a "music video", obviously

A Lady for All Seasons!

Nobility

A Poem by His Grace, Lord Westover, Obviously

In wondrous Nobility abiding no troglodyte my heart shall fear!

For safe is such confiding for no trog dares to venture here…

Their troglydarian storms shall roar without me

Their thoughts are so low and belayed

But Noble-life-ambition is my compass and can I be dismayed?

Their Graces, Lord Westover
and the mysterious Lady K 
at home, obviously

Where ever this Noble compass shall guide me, no wantonness shall turn me back!

My noble life guides (Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K, obviously) are beside me and nothing can I lack.

Their wisdom is ever awake—and their sight is never dim!

They know the path they take and it is like a glorious noble hymn!  

Vast noble estates lay before me which yet I have not seen!

Bright ideas and joyous experience rule over me where
darkest moribund and selfish thoughts have been…

My Noble hope I cannot measure!

Our paths in Life are free

Their Graces point out the treasure

And they shall walk with me!
LW

Ask a Lord – A New and Profound Day of Ponderance

Ask a Lord – A New and Profound Day of Ponderance

Westover [sic] – I am a real [sic] British lord of high noble birth and have recently found myself out of a job for simply speaking truth about the incessant whining of the middle class during these “hard” economic times. Poppycock! These troglodytes have never had it so good. Here, below, is my honest query:  How exactly does a nobleman explain to the masses the obvious without riling them into a rapid middle class frenzy?

A British Lord Wishing to Remain Anonymous

Trog, yes Lord Young, trog, for that is the only proper reference to one as insensitive and callous as you of a supposed “high noble birth” have revealed yourself to be in the above diatribe cloaked as an “honest query”.

“Incessant whining?” How revolting. Tis truly “nobles” like you, Young, who give all “real” nobles a self-indulged and garishly (and fabulously) tarnished reputation amongst the middle classes. You, sir, have obviously never taken the Nobility Oath for had you, you would have thought before tongue lashing the proletariat.

Perhaps my much discussed and examined rearing by Gypsies gives me a unique and noble insight into the special “trials and tribulations” of the masses. So, out of my deeply humble and immeasurable compassion and, yes, sincere adoration for humanity and the defense of all nobles (obviously) let me plainly point out why your statement which, precipitated your much deserved status within the unemployed, was profoundly ill-conceived in its misguided attempt at stiff-upper-lipnist.

Firstly, one must understand the psychology of the lower classes. Simply put, they live for the moment; the transient thrill; the “Sha la la live for the day” melody of their odd universe and cannot, for reasons I have yet to quite understand, refuse to see, like stubborn mules, the glorious possibilities which lay before them. Or like hogs before a gloriously appointed thanksgiving table they do consume but at what a cost to the fine china, crystal and Limoges!  I write these harsh sentiments not as cruel jests upon their abhorrent frivolity but as a genuine gesture of sympathy and sincere longing to free them of their aborted life efforts.

To save for a better future, or encourage their issue to improve upon their sordid lot, is inconceivable to this happy throng of colorful dancers, tambourine tapping temptresses and clever “sell a bottle of doctor good” entrepreneurs.  But, Young, we must see the world for what it is, working within its strange and often warped parameters, and hope and encourage for a better realization of how we would like it to be.  

Hence the profundity of the Nobility Oath and all the weightiness it entails.  So, in the spirit of the American holiday known as Thanksgiving let us nobles introduce a new and more profound day of contemplation. We shall henceforth call this day before Thanksgiving “Forgive a Trog Day” with all that implies. LW  

Their Graces gather in the woods for
the first Forgive a Trog Day

Incredible photos of their Graces!






Their Graces, Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K,
take a reprieve whilst visiting the Great Wall in China.




Their Graces, Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K, attempt in vain to
administer the Nobility Oath to the American president.