Lord Westover Wishing Smokey Bear a Splendid Happy 75th Birthday!

Click on the link below to hear His Lordship sing a haunting rendition (truly you will never forget it) of Happy Birthday to the world's most famous bear! 

His Grace, Lord Westover, has the voice of an angel...obviously.

https://twitter.com/forestservice/status/1159816843713892353?s=20

Is a "Stunning" Abstract Portrait of Lord Westover to be Unveiled at the Louvre?

The Vast Estate - Rumors that the Louvre Museum in Paris plans to replace the Mona Lisa with a new abstract portrait of His Grace, Lord Westover, have been swirling in Noble circles for weeks. Indeed, as in all things, there is a modicum of truth...or not...obviously.

No, the famed Paris museum and its da Vinci will not be moved, however, new rumors are suggesting that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, plans to replace the official portrait of King George III in Buckingham Palace with the portrait of His Grace in caulk gleefully referred to has the "O, Lordie" by art aficionados.

His Lordship (and even manservant for that matter) could not be reached for comment...obviously.

The "O, Lordie" by courtier Lady Mary Horning

NEWS FLASH!!! Lord Westover Announces Run for the American Presidency

Campaign Slogan to Read: Make America a Monarchy…Again

The Vast Estate (Obviously) - In a turn of political events that is certain to stun Nobles and rattle Trogs all over the world, His Grace, Lord Westover, has officially announced his candidacy for President of the United States.

His Grace, Lord Westover, is accosted by media upon his
announcement to run for the American Presidency. (FNN Photo.)

The nobleman is not certain of his place of birth -- as when an infant he was kidnapped by a traveling carnival family -- thusly, having no official birth certificate, Lord Westover is neither an American nor a citizen of any other nation.

His Grace, Lord Westover. Obviously.
(FNN Photo)

“This noble 'nowhere land' puts His Lordship in a unique position to claim the American Constitution as a fraud on a technicality and become absolute monarch,” states Lord Westover’s Man of Legal Matters.

When asked which political party His Lordship would seek the nomination under, his Man of Legal Matters smirked then said, “Really, now... Don’t you think the Reigning House of Westover is enough?”

Asked about his “party” platform Man of Legal Matters quipped, “A platform strong enough to hold a very heavy gold and velvet throne…obviously.”

His Grace plans to issue a series of royal edicts over the following months which will clearly spell out who will bow and who will grovel before his presence. Additionally, secondary noble houses will be clarified.

The one certainty known at press time is that Manservant to His Grace will take the title of First Manservant…obviously.

NEWS FLASH!!!! LORD WESTOVER UPDATES NOBILITY OATH - TO BE TITLED NOBILITY OATH 2.0

The Vast Estate (obviously) - To tragically accommodate the ever decreasing attention spans of troglodytes, His Grace, Lord Westover, has found it appropriate to more simplify the Nobility Oath. It is a move that can only be described as compassionate, amazing and beneficent (obviously).

Increasingly out of public view, Lord Westover
spends much of his time wondering the grounds
of The Vast Estates.
(Photo Credit: an inquisitive Trog)

"With Nobility Oath 2.0, now the most simple minded Trog can wrap his limited cognitive elasticity around the basic principles of being Noble," said His Lordship whilst starring off in the distance at the seeming boundlessness of the rolling hills of The Vast Estate, a wine glass in hand, with but a few drops of Merlot remaining, precariously dangling from his near limp fingers.

No further comment fell from His Lordship's lips.

Nobility Oath 2.0
I swear to stop behaving like a selfish jackass and start behaving like a Noble person. That means I will do good things like not be mean or cruel to others. I will not litter. I will not get drunk and pass out at friends' estates. I will not scream at other drivers even if I think they are stupid. I will stop gossiping behind people's backs even though it really makes me feel superior. I will weed and mow my lawn even though it is easy to pretend I leave it to go to seed out of environmental concerns. And, most importantly, I will stop pretending climate change is not induced by humans...including me. I do these things because despite the fact that I look like, act like and feel like a troglodyte I know in my heart that I am, as well as all others, a Noble human being deserving of respect despite all the evidence to the contrary. 

Lord Westover Advises Nancy Pelosi on Border Wall Negotiations

The Vast Estate - In the attached video His Grace, Lord Westover, pleads with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to give President Donald Trump a little money for his wall.

In this screen save Lord Westover holds aloft

 a "letter" 

from Donald Trump to Nancy Pelosi

O, Lord! Lord Westover is Back!

After years in splendid retirement Lord Westover has become quite concerned about the state of Democracy in America. In this video His Grace is, once again, attempting to bring sense to the Troglodytes who have brought their country to this most disturbing level of dissonance. His Lordship explains to a Trog viewing audience what exactly the word compromise means in real life situations. Lord Westover at moments seems to be holding back what he really feels about American Troglodytes but is far too gracious to really, in Trog parlance, "let it rip."

In this video Lord Westover attempts to explain to

American Trogs what the word compromise means. 

NEWS FLASH! Advanced copy of Time Magazine's Person of the Year leaked!

The Vast Estate (obviously) - In what sources of Time Magazine are calling one of the "worst" security breaches in their history, an "advanced" copy of it's yearly Person of the Year cover photo has been leaked to the press.

Upon hearing of the "leaked" cover photo Time's executives began, almost immediately, denying any involvement or connection "whatsoever" with the highly controversial cover image.

The magazine, which prides itself in "claiming" that it "doesn't know" who said person of the year will be until said "person" is selected "very soon before the end of any given year" is quite embarrassed by the incident (obviously).

The face that has launched a thousand controversies
[American Trogs, this is pronounced con-travisty]

The Vast Estate finds this pathetic we-are-so-shocked-and-in complete-disbelief-and-deny-all-knowledge-of-said-controversy rationale, well, rather difficult to believe.

"WE fairly firmly feel that the magazine was hacked by the same Chinese black opts military unit that kidnapped Lord Westover whilst he was on a tour of Australia and New Zealand in the winter of 2013--a tour we might add that was copied nearly city-by-city by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge only a few months later," stated Manservant to His Grace during a televised news conference from the Vast Estate.

Manservant then went on to mutter something under his breath that observers claim was something to the effect of "I wish those royals would stop imitating His Lordship..."

Happy 90th Birthday Queen Elizabeth II!

His Grace, Lord Westover, wishes Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, a very happy 90th birthday--despite the fact that (yet again) His Lordship's invitation to the Queen's birthday party went "missing" in the Royal Mail Service.

A picture taken during "happier times" with Queen Elizabeth and Lord Westover. It is a relationship that Palace observers have always referred to as "odd" and "impossible". 

2015's Most Noble Person of the Year Award!

The Vast Estate (obviously) - Lord Westover has announced the annual* Most Noble Person of the Year recognition for 2015. 

And the winner is… Every non-radicalized Muslim (in the world), obviously.

His Lordship’s somewhat curious departure from just naming one person was due in part to the harsh criticism peace loving Mohammedans are being confronted with as fundamentalists of their faith seek to reenact 7^th Century tribal Bedouin norms on a modern world.

“Yes, I realize that at times the Prophet Mohammad acted out in very war-like ways, but his actions must be viewed from the perspective of the brutal life of the age in which he was born,” His Grace said whilst admiring his latest art acquisition, a bust of himself in marble (obviously). “It would make as much sense to emulate the Prophet’s more controversial militaristic actions today as it would be for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to imprison all of her adversaries and boil in oil the ones she likes least.”

Pictured above: Lord Westover and an the Earl of Fulton.
This photo is perhaps the one Mr. Trump refers to when he said
 "[Lord Westover is] all dressed up like a pretty little sultan."

Lord Westover went on to say (under his breath) that his last statement about the British Monarch’s ancient prerogative might not be a bad idea.

The world’s reaction to His Grace’s choice for Most Noble Person has been swift.

To. Say. The. Least.

American Presidential candidate’s reactions were rather painfully predicable with Hillary Clinton saying she had already give the peace-loving Islamic world this designation and Donald Trump demanded that Lord Westover “go back to the puny little estate you came from! You big noble looser!”  

Further investigation by FNN as substantiated that indeed Mrs. Clinton has never bestowed a "noble" persons award (on anyone) and, according to campaign sources, was having one of her "periodic-overlapping-fictional-memory lapses" for which she has apologized. 

However, Mr. Trump went on to say that he has a picture of Lord Westover dressed as an Ottoman sultan proving that his Lordship is a “Muslim sympathizer”.

“I have it...it's terrible. All dressed up like pretty little sultan. Disgusting.... Believe me, it’s not pretty,” the billionaire real estate mogul said to a roaring crowd of thousands.

Hash Tag: #JustBeNoble

*Loyal followers of His Lordship’s every move might notice that there were no individuals recognized for the 2012, 2013 and 2014 Noble person awards. According to His Grace this was due to a dearth of candidates (as well as the inconvenience of being held by Chinese nationals for over a year.) “So few in this world ruled by Trogs and it would be hardly appropriate to nominate myself or the Mysterious Lady K…” His Lordship said "off the record." 

Lessons in Nobility - A Real Downton Abbey Story

"This Trog has written a fascinating book well worth the read!" Lord Westover, FNN

The Westover-Fulton Post -- Just Be Noble: Lessons in Nobility - A Real Downton Abbey Story: Now Available on Amazon   Who wouldn’t want a fairy godmother? They would lavish you with gifts, of course, but more importantly th...

A Christmas Story for All - The Forgotten History of “Gay” Santa

By His Grace, Lord Westover and the Earl of Fulton

Millions of children believe in Santa Claus, a mystical fat man who brings them presents, providing they are "good" (whatever that means), every Christmas. The fairy tale is loosely based on a true story of an actual man we know today as Saint Nicholas.

But what few of us are aware of is that “Jolly Old Saint Nick” had an Italian brother named Stefano or “Fabulous Saint Stefano”.

Found in the doll collection of Marie Antoinette,
this image of Gay Santa is thought by
historians to be the most accurate.
(The Lord Westover Collection, Obviously)  

History records Saint Stefano as the more flamboyant of the Claus siblings. Instead of breaking into homes and giving toys to children (in what seems a little odd for a stranger) Stefano brought the magic of fabulousness to all he encountered. And, most importantly, taught others to bring out their inner fabulousness—like your inner Nobility it's the gift that never stops giving!

In fact, the French Court of Louis XV so adored Stefano they began to refer to him as the (roughly translated) “Gay Santa”. But alas it was this adoration of the ruling French aristocratic class that was Gay Santa’s undoing.

Abandoning his prized position of robe designer in the Papal court to live at the Palace of Versailles, Stefano unwittingly found himself the ridicule of the Jacobin revolutionaries.

Gay Santa’s fabulousness, his pink silk-brocade-ermine-lined robes, meters long strands of pearls, diamond adored belts and his exquisitely manicured white flowing beard was just too much for the rough-hewed Jacobins, who, during the French Revolution, destroyed all images of Gay Santa and nearly erased him from history.

But the darkness and fear of ignorant minds could not keep the memory of Saint Stefano buried forever. Like the inner fabulousness (or Nobility) that dwells in all of us, the story of Gay Santa lives on!

A Very Merry Christmas from The Vast Estate! 

LW and EF

Nobility Training for Dummies - A Book That Will Change Your Life

The Vast Estate is pleased to announce that His Grace, Lord Westover has published, Nobility Training for Dummies a new E book to change the world (or at least America). And it is His Lordship's hope and prayer (a lot of prayers) that upon reading this work American Trogs will never be the same.

Exclusively sold on Amazon.com, FNN News is calling Nobility Training for Dummies “a book that will change the world!”

The book is a compilation of hilarious Dear-Abby- like columns where over the years “readers” of Lord Westover’s blog have written to ask him questions on “everyday” issues facing them. The book also includes opinion columns and many more articles written by or about His Grace.

(Note to Trogs: There are lots of pictures.)

A moving foreword by Manservant sets the tone for what is truly a life changing read according to FNN book editor the Earl of Fulton.

“It should be required reading in every high school on earth,” said His Earlship. “Lord Westover strips the boisterous American Trog down to his naked nothingness and parades said Trog’s shame in biting and near lyrical prose. I for one, shall never be the same having read Nobility Training for Dummies.”

Indeed, Lord Westover so wants every American Trog to read his book that “I have priced it at the cost of a Momma Celeste pizza,” stated His Grace in a recent interview.

To obtain this life altering book go to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013J4PQMK .

All proceeds from the sales of Nobility Training for Dummies are donated to charity...obviously. 

Breaking News: Queen Elizabeth II Thought to Have Freed Lord Westover From Chinese Prison!

The Vast Estate (obviously) -- In what can only be called the greatest escape in history, (or at least a really amazing one) Lord Westover [and his manservant] was freed by his Chinese captors in a
pre-dawn raid near Shanghai.

There is very little knowledge of the escape and how it was executed but sources close to the Vast Estate say a "mature" woman lead the raid with said "woman" taking out several dozen guards with her semi-automatic M2-A1 riffle.

"Let's just say that whomever she was, she knew how to use a weapon," said an unidentified British MI5 employee. "Apparently she took out several of the guards even before she successfully parachuted into the compound."

Some have speculated that it was none other than Queen Elizabeth II herself, but Buckingham Palace vehemently denies this, even though the palace had no explanation of the Queen's whereabouts over the weekend [whatever a "weekend"is].

Queen Elizabeth II with
Lord Westover in less exciting
times, obviously.

There is little doubt about the whereabouts of His Lordship, though, who is now recuperating on his Vast Estate.

However, sources close to His Grace say the nobleman is still shouting out orders like "some sort of Indo-Chinese potentate" but is showing progress.





However, a recent photo secretly taken and leaked to FNN shows Lord Westover, still in imperial Chinese garb, and "really getting into it," according sources.

His Grace, Lord Westover, apparently still
thinks he's a Chinese emperor

URGENT BREAKING NEWS: Lord Westover Kidnapped by Chinese Nationals

Group seeking to steal technology to His Grace’s Nobility Oath 

(Manservant to His Grace, captured as well)

The Vast Estate, London (obviously) – In what can only be described as a Patricia Hearst type abduction carried out by “soldiers” of the infamous Chinese Liberation Army (CLA), Lord Westover, who has been missing since attending Chinese New Year’s celebrations in Sydney, Australia has appeared in a series of strange pictures and videos just released by the CLA.

In the bizarre videos and pictures, His Lordship appears to be dressed in high court imperial Chinese garb and apparently thinks he’s now the “Son of Heaven.” He [and Manservant] appears to be in some secure compound that resembles the gardens of the Forbidden City in Peking [Beijing].

Lord Westover and Manservant shortly after being
kidnapped by Chinese Nationals.
(Photo courtesy of their captors, obviously)

The former American colonies [the US government] and subjects of Her Majesty’s Government [the British government] psychologists consider this a troubling sign of His Lordship [and Manservant!] succumbing to brain washing much like Hearst did when she appeared with a semiautomatic weapon in a bank heist with her captors in the 1970s.

“We certainly hope His Lordship [and Manservant!!!] hasn’t broken under the relentless pressure used by groups like the CLA,” A State Department spokesperson said at a recent news conference.

According to Her Majesty’s Government subjects [again, British government officials] the CLA, which is believed to be a covert arm of the Chinese government, is seeking access to the secrets behind His Lordship’s Nobility Oath, which the Chinese think will make any person a more "fabulous," "harmonious" and noble person.

One of CLA’s most well-known tactics, often used on Western businessmen, is to make them watch the film The Last Emperor continuously for weeks-on-end. They then begin to think they are Henry Pu Yi, China’s last sitting emperor. The harsh mind altering technique was developed at the Chinese super-secret military facility known only as Un Yu.

In this induced hallucinatory state, referred to my psychologists as Pui Yi Syndrome (or PYS Un Yu) the victims quickly begins to turn over all their industrial secrets, for which they have access, to Chinese officials in a bid to remain in a fantastical Forbidden City, much like the real Henry Pu Yi did in his own life.

His Grace, Lord Westover, clearly in the
throes of PYS Un Yu Syndrome.
(Photo courtesy of Manservant...wait. What?)

“WE have attempted to communicate with leaders in both the Chinese government and the CLA that the Nobility Oath has no secrets and is free for all to take and to live by its simple principles, as Lord Westover has clearly stated,” A source from Buckingham Palace, with a strikingly similar voice to Queen Elizabeth II, was reported as saying.

However, "The Palace" has vehemently denied it was Her Majesty the Queen. “She doesn’t even know who or what a ‘Lord Westover’ is,” One official was quoted as saying.

The Chinese government has refused to comment. However, a source close to the CLA said that anything that can change a person from being a complete loser trog to being a Noble person, animated to do good in the world, and with such efficacy, must have a very technical and complicated system behind to make it so effectual. (Obviously.)

WARNING: This video contains highly disturbing footage of His Lordship and Manservant... (too.)

“They [the Chinese government and the CLA] are seriously missing the point,” Her Grace, the mysterious Lady K said whilst stepping away from an elegant soirées to comment on the crisis. 

“One cannot possibly expect ever to be truly Noble by stealing what does not belong to one.” When asked about her concern for His Lordship's safety [and Manserv...we give up], Her Ladyship smiled and said, “He must be having a jolly good time! Son of Heaven. Indeed!”

Her Ladyship electing to take-in

the fragrance of a rose before 

commenting to the world press.    

The Vast Estate will be following this story closely (obviously), so please stay tuned. 

His Lordship's spokesperson Count Dracula and the Earl of Fulton contributed to this story.

Lord Westover Declares Noble Boycott of Winter Olympics in Russia

His Grace declares Russian laws targeting openly Gays citizens and Gay tourists as unacceptable, obviously 

His Grace will also soon declare Vladimir Putin the Most Ignoble Person--ever

The Vast Estate (obviously) – In a move that is sure to rally Nobles across the world, His Grace, Lord Westover, has officially declared a “Noble” boycott of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russian and is asking all Noble persons to boycott Russian products and to refrain from traveling to the country.

Ambushed by reporters from RT (A Russian "news" network) 

His Grace quickly reaches into his pocket and hands them a 

shiny coin, easily distracting them. (Photo Credit: The AP)

“Before the Russian Revolution, the mysterious Siberian monk Rasputin once prophesied that all Nobles would be swept from Russian lands. With the recent anti-Gay laws passed in Russia this prophesy has come true,” said a visibly agitated Lord Westover as he read aloud his edict from the balcony of The Vast Estate. “This leaves us Nobles with no other option but to officially declare the Russian government the world’s first Kingdom of the Trogs.”

His Lordship added that henceforth Russia should be shunned by all civilized persons until they make a drastic course correction. Part of this shunning was later described in His Grace’s four hour long edict and including a sweeping boycott of Noble products like Faberge Eggs and other imperial era objects d’ art.

      In a vain attempt to stop Lord Westover from declaring 

him the most "Ignoble Person--Ever" Vladimir Putin 

      uses subliminal messaging to lure Their Graces into his clutches

His Grace's often harsh critique of Russia in the speech also included detailed histories as to why Russia’s cultural connection to the Byzantine and Mongol empires “explains” the nation’s oft appearance as being the “mentally disturbed stepchild of the West.”


After what was called by much of the media as a “real *&%$ long press conference” only two reporters from RT, a Russian television "news" network, remained and attempted to accost His Grace, who tactfully offered them caviar and champagne at which point they acquiesced and told His Lordship just how embarrassed they were to be Russian.

Lord Westover agreed.

According to Vast Estate sources, taking this rather drastic action by His Grace did not come easily as his mentor, or “Countess Godmother,” the reputed revelator of his true Noble Being was, herself, a Russian countess.

“She would be immeasurably disappointed with the current Russian government,” Lord Westover was heard to say in a candid moment with Her Grace, The Mysterious Lady K.

“Obviously,” Her Ladyship was said to have responded