A Billion Impressions!? -- Go, Trog. Go!

The Westover-Fulton Post -- Just Be Noble: I’ve Hit and Impressed Everywhere, Man: By Robert Hudson Westover What does it mean to be seen, read or heard by over one billion people? Well, apparently not much. I say this be...

NEWS FLASH! Advanced copy of Time Magazine's Person of the Year leaked!

The Vast Estate (obviously) - In what sources of Time Magazine are calling one of the "worst" security breaches in their history, an "advanced" copy of it's yearly Person of the Year cover photo has been leaked to the press.

Upon hearing of the "leaked" cover photo Time's executives began, almost immediately, denying any involvement or connection "whatsoever" with the highly controversial cover image.

The magazine, which prides itself in "claiming" that it "doesn't know" who said person of the year will be until said "person" is selected "very soon before the end of any given year" is quite embarrassed by the incident (obviously).

The face that has launched a thousand controversies
[American Trogs, this is pronounced con-travisty]

The Vast Estate finds this pathetic we-are-so-shocked-and-in complete-disbelief-and-deny-all-knowledge-of-said-controversy rationale, well, rather difficult to believe.

"WE fairly firmly feel that the magazine was hacked by the same Chinese black opts military unit that kidnapped Lord Westover whilst he was on a tour of Australia and New Zealand in the winter of 2013--a tour we might add that was copied nearly city-by-city by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge only a few months later," stated Manservant to His Grace during a televised news conference from the Vast Estate.

Manservant then went on to mutter something under his breath that observers claim was something to the effect of "I wish those royals would stop imitating His Lordship..."

Happy 90th Birthday Queen Elizabeth II!

His Grace, Lord Westover, wishes Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, a very happy 90th birthday--despite the fact that (yet again) His Lordship's invitation to the Queen's birthday party went "missing" in the Royal Mail Service.

A picture taken during "happier times" with Queen Elizabeth and Lord Westover. It is a relationship that Palace observers have always referred to as "odd" and "impossible". 

2015's Most Noble Person of the Year Award!

The Vast Estate (obviously) - Lord Westover has announced the annual* Most Noble Person of the Year recognition for 2015. 

And the winner is… Every non-radicalized Muslim (in the world), obviously.

His Lordship’s somewhat curious departure from just naming one person was due in part to the harsh criticism peace loving Mohammedans are being confronted with as fundamentalists of their faith seek to reenact 7^th Century tribal Bedouin norms on a modern world.

“Yes, I realize that at times the Prophet Mohammad acted out in very war-like ways, but his actions must be viewed from the perspective of the brutal life of the age in which he was born,” His Grace said whilst admiring his latest art acquisition, a bust of himself in marble (obviously). “It would make as much sense to emulate the Prophet’s more controversial militaristic actions today as it would be for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II to imprison all of her adversaries and boil in oil the ones she likes least.”

Pictured above: Lord Westover and an the Earl of Fulton.
This photo is perhaps the one Mr. Trump refers to when he said
 "[Lord Westover is] all dressed up like a pretty little sultan."

Lord Westover went on to say (under his breath) that his last statement about the British Monarch’s ancient prerogative might not be a bad idea.

The world’s reaction to His Grace’s choice for Most Noble Person has been swift.

To. Say. The. Least.

American Presidential candidate’s reactions were rather painfully predicable with Hillary Clinton saying she had already give the peace-loving Islamic world this designation and Donald Trump demanded that Lord Westover “go back to the puny little estate you came from! You big noble looser!”  

Further investigation by FNN as substantiated that indeed Mrs. Clinton has never bestowed a "noble" persons award (on anyone) and, according to campaign sources, was having one of her "periodic-overlapping-fictional-memory lapses" for which she has apologized. 

However, Mr. Trump went on to say that he has a picture of Lord Westover dressed as an Ottoman sultan proving that his Lordship is a “Muslim sympathizer”.

“I have it...it's terrible. All dressed up like pretty little sultan. Disgusting.... Believe me, it’s not pretty,” the billionaire real estate mogul said to a roaring crowd of thousands.

Hash Tag: #JustBeNoble

*Loyal followers of His Lordship’s every move might notice that there were no individuals recognized for the 2012, 2013 and 2014 Noble person awards. According to His Grace this was due to a dearth of candidates (as well as the inconvenience of being held by Chinese nationals for over a year.) “So few in this world ruled by Trogs and it would be hardly appropriate to nominate myself or the Mysterious Lady K…” His Lordship said "off the record." 

Lessons in Nobility - A Real Downton Abbey Story

"This Trog has written a fascinating book well worth the read!" Lord Westover, FNN

The Westover-Fulton Post -- Just Be Noble: Lessons in Nobility - A Real Downton Abbey Story: Now Available on Amazon   Who wouldn’t want a fairy godmother? They would lavish you with gifts, of course, but more importantly th...

Nobility Training for Dummies - A Book That Will Change Your Life

The Vast Estate is pleased to announce that His Grace, Lord Westover has published, Nobility Training for Dummies a new E book to change the world (or at least America). And it is His Lordship's hope and prayer (a lot of prayers) that upon reading this work American Trogs will never be the same.

Exclusively sold on Amazon.com, FNN News is calling Nobility Training for Dummies “a book that will change the world!”

The book is a compilation of hilarious Dear-Abby- like columns where over the years “readers” of Lord Westover’s blog have written to ask him questions on “everyday” issues facing them. The book also includes opinion columns and many more articles written by or about His Grace.

(Note to Trogs: There are lots of pictures.)

A moving foreword by Manservant sets the tone for what is truly a life changing read according to FNN book editor the Earl of Fulton.

“It should be required reading in every high school on earth,” said His Earlship. “Lord Westover strips the boisterous American Trog down to his naked nothingness and parades said Trog’s shame in biting and near lyrical prose. I for one, shall never be the same having read Nobility Training for Dummies.”

Indeed, Lord Westover so wants every American Trog to read his book that “I have priced it at the cost of a Momma Celeste pizza,” stated His Grace in a recent interview.

To obtain this life altering book go to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013J4PQMK .

All proceeds from the sales of Nobility Training for Dummies are donated to charity...obviously. 

Breaking News: Queen Elizabeth II Thought to Have Freed Lord Westover From Chinese Prison!

The Vast Estate (obviously) -- In what can only be called the greatest escape in history, (or at least a really amazing one) Lord Westover [and his manservant] was freed by his Chinese captors in a
pre-dawn raid near Shanghai.

There is very little knowledge of the escape and how it was executed but sources close to the Vast Estate say a "mature" woman lead the raid with said "woman" taking out several dozen guards with her semi-automatic M2-A1 riffle.

"Let's just say that whomever she was, she knew how to use a weapon," said an unidentified British MI5 employee. "Apparently she took out several of the guards even before she successfully parachuted into the compound."

Some have speculated that it was none other than Queen Elizabeth II herself, but Buckingham Palace vehemently denies this, even though the palace had no explanation of the Queen's whereabouts over the weekend [whatever a "weekend"is].

Queen Elizabeth II with
Lord Westover in less exciting
times, obviously.

There is little doubt about the whereabouts of His Lordship, though, who is now recuperating on his Vast Estate.

However, sources close to His Grace say the nobleman is still shouting out orders like "some sort of Indo-Chinese potentate" but is showing progress.





However, a recent photo secretly taken and leaked to FNN shows Lord Westover, still in imperial Chinese garb, and "really getting into it," according sources.

His Grace, Lord Westover, apparently still
thinks he's a Chinese emperor

URGENT BREAKING NEWS: Lord Westover Kidnapped by Chinese Nationals

Group seeking to steal technology to His Grace’s Nobility Oath 

(Manservant to His Grace, captured as well)

The Vast Estate, London (obviously) – In what can only be described as a Patricia Hearst type abduction carried out by “soldiers” of the infamous Chinese Liberation Army (CLA), Lord Westover, who has been missing since attending Chinese New Year’s celebrations in Sydney, Australia has appeared in a series of strange pictures and videos just released by the CLA.

In the bizarre videos and pictures, His Lordship appears to be dressed in high court imperial Chinese garb and apparently thinks he’s now the “Son of Heaven.” He [and Manservant] appears to be in some secure compound that resembles the gardens of the Forbidden City in Peking [Beijing].

Lord Westover and Manservant shortly after being
kidnapped by Chinese Nationals.
(Photo courtesy of their captors, obviously)

The former American colonies [the US government] and subjects of Her Majesty’s Government [the British government] psychologists consider this a troubling sign of His Lordship [and Manservant!] succumbing to brain washing much like Hearst did when she appeared with a semiautomatic weapon in a bank heist with her captors in the 1970s.

“We certainly hope His Lordship [and Manservant!!!] hasn’t broken under the relentless pressure used by groups like the CLA,” A State Department spokesperson said at a recent news conference.

According to Her Majesty’s Government subjects [again, British government officials] the CLA, which is believed to be a covert arm of the Chinese government, is seeking access to the secrets behind His Lordship’s Nobility Oath, which the Chinese think will make any person a more "fabulous," "harmonious" and noble person.

One of CLA’s most well-known tactics, often used on Western businessmen, is to make them watch the film The Last Emperor continuously for weeks-on-end. They then begin to think they are Henry Pu Yi, China’s last sitting emperor. The harsh mind altering technique was developed at the Chinese super-secret military facility known only as Un Yu.

In this induced hallucinatory state, referred to my psychologists as Pui Yi Syndrome (or PYS Un Yu) the victims quickly begins to turn over all their industrial secrets, for which they have access, to Chinese officials in a bid to remain in a fantastical Forbidden City, much like the real Henry Pu Yi did in his own life.

His Grace, Lord Westover, clearly in the
throes of PYS Un Yu Syndrome.
(Photo courtesy of Manservant...wait. What?)

“WE have attempted to communicate with leaders in both the Chinese government and the CLA that the Nobility Oath has no secrets and is free for all to take and to live by its simple principles, as Lord Westover has clearly stated,” A source from Buckingham Palace, with a strikingly similar voice to Queen Elizabeth II, was reported as saying.

However, "The Palace" has vehemently denied it was Her Majesty the Queen. “She doesn’t even know who or what a ‘Lord Westover’ is,” One official was quoted as saying.

The Chinese government has refused to comment. However, a source close to the CLA said that anything that can change a person from being a complete loser trog to being a Noble person, animated to do good in the world, and with such efficacy, must have a very technical and complicated system behind to make it so effectual. (Obviously.)

WARNING: This video contains highly disturbing footage of His Lordship and Manservant... (too.)

“They [the Chinese government and the CLA] are seriously missing the point,” Her Grace, the mysterious Lady K said whilst stepping away from an elegant soirées to comment on the crisis. 

“One cannot possibly expect ever to be truly Noble by stealing what does not belong to one.” When asked about her concern for His Lordship's safety [and Manserv...we give up], Her Ladyship smiled and said, “He must be having a jolly good time! Son of Heaven. Indeed!”

Her Ladyship electing to take-in

the fragrance of a rose before 

commenting to the world press.    

The Vast Estate will be following this story closely (obviously), so please stay tuned. 

His Lordship's spokesperson Count Dracula and the Earl of Fulton contributed to this story.

Lord Westover Declares Noble Boycott of Winter Olympics in Russia

His Grace declares Russian laws targeting openly Gays citizens and Gay tourists as unacceptable, obviously 

His Grace will also soon declare Vladimir Putin the Most Ignoble Person--ever

The Vast Estate (obviously) – In a move that is sure to rally Nobles across the world, His Grace, Lord Westover, has officially declared a “Noble” boycott of the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russian and is asking all Noble persons to boycott Russian products and to refrain from traveling to the country.

Ambushed by reporters from RT (A Russian "news" network) 

His Grace quickly reaches into his pocket and hands them a 

shiny coin, easily distracting them. (Photo Credit: The AP)

“Before the Russian Revolution, the mysterious Siberian monk Rasputin once prophesied that all Nobles would be swept from Russian lands. With the recent anti-Gay laws passed in Russia this prophesy has come true,” said a visibly agitated Lord Westover as he read aloud his edict from the balcony of The Vast Estate. “This leaves us Nobles with no other option but to officially declare the Russian government the world’s first Kingdom of the Trogs.”

His Lordship added that henceforth Russia should be shunned by all civilized persons until they make a drastic course correction. Part of this shunning was later described in His Grace’s four hour long edict and including a sweeping boycott of Noble products like Faberge Eggs and other imperial era objects d’ art.

      In a vain attempt to stop Lord Westover from declaring 

him the most "Ignoble Person--Ever" Vladimir Putin 

      uses subliminal messaging to lure Their Graces into his clutches

His Grace's often harsh critique of Russia in the speech also included detailed histories as to why Russia’s cultural connection to the Byzantine and Mongol empires “explains” the nation’s oft appearance as being the “mentally disturbed stepchild of the West.”


After what was called by much of the media as a “real *&%$ long press conference” only two reporters from RT, a Russian television "news" network, remained and attempted to accost His Grace, who tactfully offered them caviar and champagne at which point they acquiesced and told His Lordship just how embarrassed they were to be Russian.

Lord Westover agreed.

According to Vast Estate sources, taking this rather drastic action by His Grace did not come easily as his mentor, or “Countess Godmother,” the reputed revelator of his true Noble Being was, herself, a Russian countess.

“She would be immeasurably disappointed with the current Russian government,” Lord Westover was heard to say in a candid moment with Her Grace, The Mysterious Lady K.

“Obviously,” Her Ladyship was said to have responded

Ask A Lord - To Be the King of What?

My Dearest Lord , I write to you with great distress. It seems that a rather brutish gaggle of “Hollywood” Trogs has stolen the very unique and original concept for a realty show a Noble companion and I have labored to create for several years.

Our reality show (which shall go unnamed*) was to bring to the unwashed and pitiful masses of America the concepts of what being Noble is—an ideal to be sought after and (hopefully) achieved.

Instead, a horrific bastardization has appeared from some of the very “entertainment” industry executives with whom we attempted to reach! This heinous, demented and illegitimate (in my humble opinion) “show” is puerilely entitled: King of the Nerds.  (I know, such a ghastly title—can you believe such impertinent pretense?)

What is the proper response to these disdainful liars and thieves?

With All Sincerity, A Concerned Lady

Dear Concerned Lady – There is immense wisdom in the old adage “He that is slow to wrath certainly is not a lying and thieving Hollywood executive Trog…” Or something like that. 

Anyway, in other words, you should do exactly nothing.

You see, dear Concerned Lady, the Trog thinks he gains something by stealing and believes he deceives whilst lying. But, in Noble reality, he is actually losing everything and deceiving nobody (but other Trogs, obviously).  

The Trog builds his entire life on lies and thievery. Why all one needs to do is look at the state of the current American political, financial, and legal system (let alone the “entertainment” industry) for an example of what, in the end, Trogs end up creating.

Their Graces relax during the filming of American Monarch**
(Much security was  needed  to keep Trogs off the set, obviously)

Aw, yes, but Trogs do so adore discord rather than concord, dissonance over harmony (my word, just listen to much of their “popular” music) vengeance over forgiveness, envy over gratitude and selfishness over selflessness. 

And yet these very Trogs then have the audacity to complain about the continuous torments in their little worlds of chaos that they themselves have created with their very thoughts, words, actions and habits!    

So. Predicable.

If you were to pursue these sadly misguided Trogs, they would only deny and lie their way out of any acknowledgement that they have done anything wrong.

Because that’s what Trogs do.

No, the better course is the Noble Lessons of Forgiveness and Moving On.

Remember this, dear Concerned Lady, your brilliant Noble mind is an endless well of clever ideas and sound convictions. Though opportunity may knock rarely at the stone-hard door of a Trog’s intellect, it is a regular solicitor at the intellectual door of the enlightened Noble.

Obviously.

*Any misconstrued notion that this “unnamed” reality show is related to Their Graces groundbreaking reality show (really more art than show) American Monarch should be put directly out of thought, obviously.

** Again, any misconstrued notion that this “unnamed” reality show is related to Their Graces groundbreaking reality show (really more art than show) American Monarch should be put directly out of thought, obviously.

If You Could See What I See, Trog

A Poem (obviously) By His Grace, Lord Westover

If you could see what I see in you, trog, you would be astounded…

A Universe of Noble possibilities…

A new way of seeing…

A new way of being!

Nay, the thought of it must have you confounded!

But your say: Me, a simpleton trog, filled with a Noble being?

If you could see what I see in you, trog, you would stop “hatin’ on me.”

Indeed you would cease and desist

Your revenge motivated life of seeming bliss

Each day bringing you nearer the fatal abyss

But You say: I have defined myself by depravity!

Lord Westover (obviously)

Yes, you have… (obviously) 

What cost! 

What travesty! 

What Strife! 

Blissful Depravity!?

If you could see what I see in you, trog, you would at once stop your wicked ways!

For what good are they! Each day more dirt from your life of variance

Day by Day

Building a tomb about your Noble self (and a dirt one at that)

Change you would if you could see your noble presence!

And be Gay!

For, if you could see what I see in you…Today

Diamond Jubilees Are A Girl’s Best Friend--A Royal Tribute!

Queen Elizabeth, obviously 

Queen Elizabeth II Celebrates 60 Years on the Throne!

On this Glorious occasion of 60 years on the British Throne, Their Graces wish to express sincere gratitude for Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth’s, continued reminder that duty to country, above all else, should be paramount in all wishing to have a functioning and civilized culture—obviously.

“Queen Elizabeth truly embodies being a noble person in both action and in deed—indeed,” Lord Westover and the Mysterious Lady K said in a statement issued from the Vast Estate. “Even if Her Majesty did, yet again, forget to invite us to yet again another fabulous occasion* we believe with all our heart that we have always been “there” in our noble spirits. God Save the Queen!”

A young Queen Elizabeth 

*Their Grace’s statement was referring to the controversy surrounding their attendance at Prince Charles' wedding to Princess Diana and the now infamous portrait on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. Because so many asked for “that picture with the lord and lady” subsequent versions have “removed” any trace of Their Graces' presence. 

His Lordship is Amused!

His Lordship's response to the story of his audition for a comedy show

The Vast Estate (obviously) March 12, 2012 – Royal watchers were shocked (and absolutely horrified) by the news that His Grace, Lord Westover, attended and actually auditioned for a spot in an obscure comedy contest called “Funniest Feds” 
To read more go to: http://fullnoblenews.blogspot.com/

Holiday Greetings from Their Graces!!!

A Special Announcement from Lord Westover’s Vast Estate:

A Vast Estate (obviously) -- Today Queen Elizabeth, as head of state to the Commonwealth of Nations, has approved the succession of the first born child—either male or female—to  the centuries old British Throne.

His Grace, Lord Westover, gives a hearty “here, here” to such news. However, the next and obvious question is: When will Buckingham Palace (or world monarchies for that matter) accept the children of kidnapped nobles back into their fold? 

For those unaware of this highly emotional repatriation issue it is commonly known as the Noble Childhood Gypsy Abduction Reunification Movement (NOC GARM).

However, by publication time, Buckingham Palace had yet to get back to His Lordship on this pressing issue.

Their Graces, Lord Westover and the mysterious Lady K
(both victims of horrific kidnappings by gypsies) await
response from Buckingham Palace on the issue of
Noble Childhood Gypsy Abduction Reunification

His Grace, Lord Westover -- 2011 Official Court Portraits